Epilogue

I've been wondering what to do with this blog for awhile now since I don't feel it's relevance in my life anymore. It was an exercise, it was therapy, it was one oke's way of figuring out life's little mysteries. Little mysteries like, what does it all mean, is balance what we need when the truly remarkable are unbalanced and how can I be the star of my own life if I can't even identify with the lead.

A soundtrack to the end.

For the most part I got my answers and they are contained in 50 posts more or less. The following story is pretty much the context for Lank Moody and why it's coming to an end. I might flesh this out further in the future, but for now this is the companion piece to the life and times of my own existential blog.

Cogito ergo sum - The dork behind it all.

Lank Moody started in February while I was going through a very frustrating period in my life. I wasn't getting anywhere in my career after two years of indifference and my relationship was falling apart due to being almost 'too perfect'. I needed a punching bag and I found that in the local 'celebrity' scene. Ripping on Malema was fantastic as a diversion and I would kid myself thinking that "at least I got something published on the net." I still stand by my opinion of these 'celebrities' but I guess I've gotten some priorities in order.

A parody of a celebrity becoming a celebrity like those he was parodying in the first place. Great success.

In March the relationship that was threatening to fail did, and I pretty much took it as hard as I could. Lost 10kgs, didn't sleep properly for weeks and wrote (if I do say so myself) the most amazing blogs I've ever done...totally worth it. I was grieving as one would with a death except the ghosts were real, physical, breathing, laughing, moving on, etc. I was in arrested development so I lashed out in my personal life, drunk driving, promiscuous hookups and a car accident of such comically disastrous circumstances that I can only laugh about it now. This continued for a good few months before things changed almost over night.

Self destruction era indeed.

I rediscovered my personal passions that are film, writing, working and partying hard (with the added clause of responsibly). I decided the time was right to retake my family heritage, taking on my true surname Ward as a symbol for reinventing myself. Got my first job in the film industry in over 6 years, I was a production assistant on Safe House staring Ryan Reynolds and Denzil Washington. I felt confident in my abilities once more. Then I stumbled my way into an internship at the once great One Small Seed magazine. In a lot of ways the magazine and I shared a dangerous symptom, indifference, but I'm happy to report we're both coming out of it. (Issue 23 is fucking amazing JUST by the way). I got my first published writing credit for an international publication and everything started rolling out for me.

These days I'm more confident in myself, mostly. I'm becoming more of the person I want to be, the person I always was but too afraid to be. I'm happy with the results and stepping forward I realize I want to fresh start if I do write online. I want this to be my book of Genesis, round it off and begin with my Exodus (you needn't be religious to get that metaphor). To all the people and characters that have come and gone and remain in my life (good or bad) to this day, I thank you. You have all had a role to play and I look forward to many more scenes with you. As I grow, we grow and as we grow, so relationships are strengthened and made to last.

The best relationships start with mutual detest. 

And so today I say goodbye to Lank Moody, to all it represented to me. Therapy, the pillow to scream into, the stress ball to break my knuckles on, the much needed companion in my recovery. It has served it's purpose and with that I send it off as a Viking to Valhalla. It shall return as a memory to me perhaps in 10 years or when I need to reflect again on my life. For now though, there are other projects to pursue and different steps to take forward. Lank Moody, I appreciate you because I don't know if I'd be who I am today without you.

All the best
David Ward (formally and formerly known as David R Knott)

Way Out Is Through

My friends it has been so long, too long. I apologize for my absense, in fact I shouldn't even be here now. Luckily I love you, because I could've just as easily fallen asleep. Now I'm acting the fool, we all know I need this blog more than you do or at least, I did. Folks, I'm by no means a perfect human being, but hitting the 50th post is somewhat of a milestone in more than one way. See for the first time in my life, I'm feeling as balanced or as close to balanced as I've ever felt.

I'm enjoying my work, I'm enjoying myself, I'm enjoying others, I'm enjoying my past and I'm certainly enjoying my future. I've always been worried about writing the blog when I go through good times because who the hell cares about someone who is doing well. We'd rather they spit blood because that's interesting. Well I hate to disappoint you but I think I'm feeling entitled to a bit of good for a change.

I think I realized I'm there when I had a discussion with probably the most passionate person I've ever met. She loves what she does and is living just for that. It doesn't look easy in a real world snatching dreams up, but it seems like the purest essense of being without only existing. Anyway as we were talking I remember I was once close to being that passionate about my own future. What happened? Where'd I lose that? I don't think I ever did lose it. I think it was hibernating, waiting for a kindrid spark to set it off.

What a boom it was and it was magical. I spoke about my past and how it had broken me down, but she looked me straight in the face, stopped my runaway train of thought and said words that I wish had sunk in earlier. "You were set free."

Free is what I am, passionate is what I've found, being is what I am...and I'm feeling good.

Thanks for reading my 50th post, here's to many many more...if I find the bloody time.

Me and We

THIS POST BROUGHT TO YOU BY NO PICTURES BECAUSE BLOGGER IS BUGGING OUT.

I was having a conversation last night with two really awesome people, they know who they are. We were talking about how different a person's sort of modus operati is socially from being single to being in a relationship. It was a light conversation which brought my attention to the fact that it's something other people actually identify with. I wasn't alone in noticing the stark differences between the two.

Without any further ado, I shall list some of the differences I can think about. See if you recognize some of them. By the way, when I say We, I mean being involved and when I say Me, I mean single.

Me:

- Less forgiving to potential suitors.

- Bro before hos and sistas before mistas.

- Party more.

- Make an effort to see friends.

- Willing to make mistakes.

- Have fun by yourself out/Get Cabin Fever by yourself in.

We:

- More tolerant to our current partner.

- "I'll have to check with my girlfriend." (Don't know if this applies the other way round gender-wise)

- Warm night in watching series.

- Make an effort to see partner.

- Freaked out at making mistakes.

- Enjoy staying in together.

Now nothing on these lists are meant to sound good or bad, but rather both. They can be a good thing and they can be a bad thing. For example, too many warm nights in watching series makes that stale and if you don't communicate that, you could be a Me very soon. However, if you're a Me and you make to many mistakes, then you might not walk away from them while making the right mistakes means learning.

The fact is, the Me persona and the We persona both have their own schools of learning. Stuck in a We situation for too long and you won't know how to be a Me and you'll have to learn and/or catchup. Stuck being a Me for too long and you could become an insensitive womanizing arsehole (I've met my fair share). I'm not saying, you shouldn't be a We for long before breaking up so you can develop as a Me though don't get me wrong.

What I am saying is that even as a We, you should still make time to be a Me. Got out with mates, have a piss up and make mistakes (the right ones). It will do wonders for your relationship when you're a strong Me, because your partner will appreciate your confidence and strength in your own skin. On the polar side of that, even as a Me you should perhaps try out some of the MO of a We. Such as tolerance, avoiding the crazy mistakes and being considerate to others (as you might be to a partner).

And at the end, you can decide which works better for you, until you meet that one that breaks all the rules. You'll know that one when you meet them, but by that time you can throw all this shit out the window and just work it out.

The Good Stuff

Been away have I? Well kids I apologize, but I'm back with good news. Yes it's the good stuff. It's something I've been having a hard time figuring out, but it's way easier to gripe than it is to gloat, but today folks...I'm going to gloat. I'm going to list some of the things that are making me excited at the moment. Let's start shall we.

The Inbetweeners Movie

"You better bring your wellies, cause you'll be knee deep in clunge."

If you've not watched The Inbetweeners, then I'm sure you'd not share my enthusiasm, but that also means you have to watch The Inbetweeners...you'll cry laughing.

Short and Sweet Film Festival

Heyo, free advertising

Taking place over 5 weeks every Tuesday in Hout Bay, starting on the 28th of June, the Short and Sweet Cape Town film festival is going to be about whiskey and film...one of which I'm a massive fan of and the other I can get used to maybe I don't know let's check...horaah. It's 20 ront on entry, but if you too lazy to drive and/or want to meet people on the way, there's a shuttle that's 60 ront (including entrance) that leaves from Claremont and Long Street. I for one am not going to miss out. The films shown are short films and the vibe should be amazing.

The Dark Knight Rises

That's Tom Hardy as Bane. Great actor.

Christopher Nolan...nuff said.

Saul Williams

All credit goes to Gareth G. on this, Saul Williams is essentially a poet who decided to make music. Music he makes, trust me. Do yourself a favour and get hold of the album Volcanic Sunlight.

So right now, these are the current things that make me happy right now. I'm hoping tomorrow might have some pearls of something, but for some reason right now I'm too distracted to be solemn...maybe that's a good thing too.

Young Blood

Being Youth Day in South Africa, I got to thinking about my own current youth. It can be difficult to gather perspective on being young while...being young, but it's one thing I'm happy not to think about. It seems when we're young we dream about the future and when we're old we long for the past. When do we get to that middle ground where we feel neither young nor old. My guess is around thirty, but I've come to realize pretty much everything is perspective. Hell most of the time I feel too old already, even though deep down I know I'm still young.

Youth is wasted on the young. - George Bernard Shaw

See there's a lot that can happen in short periods of time, this I've come to realize firsthand. So being anxious about where I'll be in a year is pointless because who the hell truly knows. All I know is that as long as I keep active now with my best interests in mind, then it's hard not to have a positive outlook on the future without it ruling my life. Right now, I've not got all the answer. I'm not necessarily comfortable in my own skin. I'm still learning my limits and overcoming my fears. I'm working and growing to be a better rounded person.

An example of well rounded.

I sometimes wonder what I'll think of all this in ten years. I can imagine the thirty-five year old Dave logging into the internet through a jack into his brain. Check out the old blog, reading it all and laughing his ass off. Maybe that Dave will call his family over to join in on the joke. Who knows. All I know is for all that's happened in the space of three months, 120 months is a lot of potential to do great things. I can go faster, I can go slower. I can't time travel and I certainly can't stop time.

So this is a message to the 35 year old Dave; how was the trip man? I hope you bent the rules enough. You enjoying your job? If not, even 35 isn't too late to change that. You better have kept those priceless mates man or I'll come over there and smack you. Also, hows Team Fortress 4? Has Luc Besson finally gone back to his golden era or is he still producing drivel? Have you visited Tokyo yet (although I understand if you haven't with all the fallout)? What is the latest culture trash targets like in your time? Do you have cyber hipsters, revived emos or even neon chavs? Are you published or produced yet?  How long have you been climbing now? PLEASE tell me they still make Rainbow Chocolate Milk! Anyway, take this time out to reflect on the silly blog and your silly head, but remember even in 2021, it's not too late to change anything you want to change.

How interesting would it be to have a conversation with yourself ten years from now; imagine the paradoxes that might occur. Would make for great fiction...

My LSD

I bet you've had a dream so vivid before it stuck with you well after you went about your day. I did recently, but it was a one of those trippy lucid dreams, which is what I refer to by LSD. Not the drug, but my own Lucid State of Dreaming (so witty). Anyway, this post is not supposed to make sense, hell it doesn't make sense to me, but I don't mind sharing my weird brain.

So apparently I was invited to some sort of private Lonely Island concert. Great start. I was attending it with a buddy, but for some reason although I knew he/she was a friend, I couldn't tell who it was. I just knew it was a friend. We must've arrived too early because there was a massive line outside, but inside it was pretty dead. I remember thinking, there's only like 30 seats in here; how is everyone outside going to fit?

Anyway, we move to our seats in the back and guess who is there with like three random people, Ryan Reynolds. Like, huh? Anyway, I work up the courage to ask him about the Deadpool movie he supposed to make (I seem to be obsessed because it's invading my subconscious now). We go through a list of directors that would be perfect for the movie, Guillermo del Toro is one I suggested. I've never actually thought it, but afterwards I remember thinking, "Yeah, he WOULD be perfect." Anyway, Ryan Reynolds suggests David Fincher and politely I agree although I don't. I mean, you don't tell this guy he is wrong about a movie he is the only one keeping alive. On top of all this, I notice he is speaking with some freakish Canadian accent and not his usual straight sort of Californian accent. I know he is Canadian, but this accent was some sort of parody of Canadian accents. On top of that, he looks WAY older than I know he looks, but I only notice that as he suddenly disappears.

The concert hall side has opened up to some sort of Woodstock event of note. It is pumping and it is as colourful as an episode of the Care Bears. People are walking about all crazy on drugs I guess and The Flaming Lips are performing Pompeii Am Götterdämmerung on stage. I was thinking, "Hell yeah I'm at a Flaming Lips concert." Have no idea why I was at two concerts in one night, but there you go.

Anyway, I meet some sort of wandering sage. He is shouting at people walking by, "Who wants this for free!?" He has a capsule in his hand, so I assume it's some drug. For some reason I was feeling like a free spirit, so I ran over and agreed. He was happy to comply, but then I asked, "Is it safe?" and the sage hesitated. "Yeah man, it's the most dangerous drug there is." I was taken back, but almost felt challenged now so I proudly tell him I've have a blunt or two. He laughs in my face and I take the opportunity to snatch the pill; taking it immediately. He looks me blank in the face and says, "Your funeral man."

So now I'm waiting around some tents watching the show, waiting for something to happen. I mean, soon I should be freaking right out, but nothing. Just peace and music, but nothing crazy. Then without warning, I wake up. I remember as I woke up I had to take a minute to realize it was a dream after all. Was pretty damn crazy.

Anyway, I'm not looking for any symbolism, but I have weird dreams like this often. Maybe I should write them all down.

The Wobbling Plate

Balance, it seems, is about trial and error. That is of course if you aim for balance otherwise break your damn plate. Yes folks, today my metaphor (I seem to love metaphors) is a dropped plate. You ever drop a plate and it hasn't smashed? Okay, I'm not talking paper or plastic plates, so let's clear that up. As the plate hits the floor it begins to wobble and spin around and around. The wobble starts crazy and slowly balances out until the plate lies flat on the tiles. That's what happens when you're given a shock to your entire existence.

Funny, I happen to find a video with a demonstration.

So I was thinking, how would you stop the wobbling plate? How would you ensure the plate doesn't wobble out of control? I now realize, why would you want to. The only proper way to come to some sort of balance in your life is to wobble one way, see it doesn't work out, then wobble the other until you stop. If suddenly you just were, exist without experience, you're nothing but a shell of potential. You got no stories to tell, you got no lessons to impart upon others and you certainly are missing out of some exciting times.

Don't be the gramps who ain't got no stories to irritate the little ones with.

Having said that, it's possible to maybe go too far and break your plate. In other words do something you ain't coming back from. These include, killing a man, getting knocked up, incurable disease and wearing len-less specs. So if you find your wobble just slightly too much to handle, I can tell you friends help a lot. Some help you wobble more while others bring you to balance, but it's always better with company.

Well most things are better with company, not this.

By now I hope I've not lost you, because I realize if you don't get the initial metaphor (I wouldn't blame you) then this whole post is a pointless rant about good Chinaware.

Keep in mind, while we all strive for balance, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy the volatile times it takes to get you there. We all have our ups and downs, it's human nature, but take it as it comes and for what it is. Growth.

Contemporary Hedonism or How To Stop Worrying About Others

I remember a few years back I was at a braai and, as it happens, the conversation got a bit deep. I was pleasantly surprised since the company kept was mostly light-hearted and fun; avoiding topics like religion, politics and the like. Not being a fan of small-talk, although I recognize it's importance, I was thrilled. Somehow it came down to me describing my whole outlook on life in a single sentence. I couldn't think of a word that I could sum it up in and so I said something along these lines.

"I believe everyone should have the right to do anything they want to be happy as long as it doesn't harm those around them or force others to do something they would no want to do."

I was immediately told that I was a Hedonist and was happy to accept that because now I had a word to contain all those other words in, like a neat package. Problem was, as I learnt more about Hedonists, the less I liked the word. See classical Hedonism seems to be about ego and being self-centric; almost excluding those around you from your happiness. Also, it made you look pretty stupid where you'd just do whatever made you most happy based on emotions and not thinking about it too much. So although that didn't gel with me, I still saw and understood why I might have been called one.

So that was that. Fast forward to recently where I got to watch a film called Whatever Works by Woody Allen. It's by no means a brilliant film, in fact it's quite predictable. Everything wraps itself up perfectly as they seem to do in Allen films, he is a sucker for happy endings even if it means inexplicable twists. Anyway I digress, the point is the film had it's heart in the right place...at least as far as I'm concerned. Look, I'm no genius, but I'm probably smarter than the average bear or at least more than I wish to be. The protagonist of this film was an over-the-hill egotist who saw most ritualistic behavior humans have as pointless. He didn't believe in religion, mocked children for being idiots and would have night terrors about dying; and I identified (heaven help me).

Look, just watch the trailer...it sums it up better than I can right now.

Point is, even with his over-thinking every little thing and occasional breaking of the fourth wall, he was smart enough to know that even if life is pointless (in an essential way) we should still be looking for happiness anyway we could find it. In other words, whatever works. Does eating dog food make you happy, whatever works man. You listen to dubstep (shame), whatever works man. You're involved with someone and everyone says it'll never work out, but the dysfunction makes you happy, whatever works man...no wait a minute. Bit of a hiccup now.

It seems contemporary hedonism is only going to work out for you if it makes you happy, but make sure the happiness isn't the shallow I'm-trapped-in-a-box-get-me-out kind of relief happiness. Jeremy Bentham (link) used to measure happiness as intensity times by length of happiness. Impulse happiness comes and goes like a pulse, so we should use our heads (the one that gets us into this problem in the first place) to measure and decide what is best for us.

No one ever won a race by watching the other participants in the race. Stop watching what other people are doing and make yourself happy, no one else can or is going to.

Burn Everything You Know

I've been scratching my head trying to figure out a proper metaphor for what I'm about to discuss, but it's proven pretty difficult. So I'm going to make up a nonsensicalness (real word) one for this post. Think of it as my version of Alice in Wonderland, with symbolism. Eventually I'll provide a point I guess, maybe it'll make sense; more likely it will too be nonsensical(ness).

You're standing before many doors, each door is a journey with a castle at the end; you pick a door. Now you're on your journey and all things are possible. Along the way, you change as an adventurer. This particular journey you're on requires you to become a strong climber, expert gun-smith and a beautiful singer. The people on this journey appreciate your climbing skills, your ability to make a gun and your voice, the journey is going well. Then suddenly the walls of your journey collapse around you and you are stuck. There is no way to reach the castle, what can you do?

You return to the doors to choose a new journey; equipped with your climbing, gun-smithing and golden voice. It's difficult to do, but you pick another door. This journey is harsher than the first one, when you run into trouble, you try to use your climbing, but find yourself drowning. You try another door, running into trouble you decide to make a gun, but you're shooting at ghosts. You try another door and try to soothe the locals with song, but they are deaf. So far your other journeys are pretty damn horrible.

This post brought to you by Gunslinger of The Dark Tower series.

So what do you do? Well you might start by not relying on what your first journey taught you. Sure it's nice to be able to climb, sing and kill stuff with bullets, but perhaps you're too advanced in that journey to learn from new journeys. So stop, drop these skills or at least put them aside and try something new. When you get to your first challenge on a new journey, try something new and you might pick up a new skill.

Listen to the above as you contemplate the rest.

So what am I getting at? Well I'm at a point in my life where my mindset was on certain aspects of life (the journey), I was far along into an adventure (relationship). Now that I have to take on new adventures, I'm putting so much pressure on myself because of the mindset I was in on the last adventure. It's time to drop my armor, unlearn my skills, and take things at face value. There is no importance, there are no dire consequences and no one is putting pressure on me but myself.

It's a journey after all...the longer we take to get there, the more of an adventure we've had.

First of June

Today, I stop waiting and start living.

Good News Is Rough

Funny how news works. They cure Cancer (bullshit or not) and it's pretty much ignored; Arnold Schwarzenegger knocks up his nanny and it's front page news...at least in some places. Yeah we all know by now that's the case and it's nothing new, but I'm starting to realize as someone who upkeeps a blog it extends to writing non-fiction too. See, I could moan about the car accident I had, the weather we're having or even how June 1st marks a very definite end to an era; I could fill at least seven and a half posts full of that shit. Yet, writing a blog about an upbeat topic is so much of a challenge. I'm actually very happy right now, so I'm going to take the challenge and write something maybe not thought provoking, but with a bit of hope.

Unrelated lolz

I can't bring myself to lament with any sort of conviction because the good that seems to be happening in my life makes it incredibly difficult to dwell on the bad and even so I've come to understand the harsh times of our lives are the ones that bring about the most growth. Right now I'm on the precipice of a project that could define the rest of my life, my job is amazing and my friends are golden shards of diamonds encrusted with awesome; how can I complain about anything? Okay, I guess it's time to bring this down a notch to a level more easily identifiable by most.

The default human condition is to focus on a fault or hardship we might be going through and that's fine, no judgement. We've all done it. "Oh my hair looks like kak." Great, there's people who can't even grow hair on their head. Lame example I agree, why would anybody think, "Oh my hair is kak, but at least I can grow hair." It's difficult, if not impractical, to counter a bad thought with a good one, but sometimes you stumble upon that golden ticket. Something so good that it can make any rainy day still rainy, but with a promise of sunshine.

Banksy's Hope Girl

No one can tell you what that reason might be, it depends on what you might be looking for or what you might stumble upon by surprise and there's no set way to discover it. Read a zillion self-help books, sixty blogs or find a religion; I'm afraid no one is going to guarantee your happiness except you. Only you can come to a realization that, hey things aren't that bad, they're pretty damn kiff actually. On that note I'll leave you to think about that.

I could give you cotton candy, but if you're not at the fair...it's only going to confuse you. Make sense of that one.

Counterbalance

I've been thinking about duality a lot lately; do we accept it in ourselves and all things, do we fight it and try to control or do we just acknowledge it's existence but ignore it otherwise?

Okay getting ahead of myself here. What exactly am I talking about when I say duality? It's a theme that's come up quite a bit in recent blogs. Head versus heart, good versus evil, religion versus science, hope versus resolve. For me duality is two forces countering each other. You know in your head that last tequila will destroy you, but you'll have it anyway because your personality/soul/spirit (pick your force) wants to have a good time.

I was under the impression that these moments where we know one thing, but do another was a sign of indecisive behavior. I am not the kind of guy who likes being indecisive, I don't like half measures if I can help it so it would irritate me. Up until recently I foresaw my path in front of me, I didn't need to be in two minds. These days so many decisions get thrown under my nose it's hard to keep up and the more decisions you have, the more likely you are to make one that you regret.

Must've looked like a good idea at the time.

At least that is how I felt. Today, I'm embracing duality. For someone like me, who values balance with resolve (which totally doesn't contradict my distaste for half-measure...that's a tale for another day though), how can I know I'm on the right path if I don't have choices. Sure I may make some regrettable mistakes, but the fact they are regrettable must reveal something to me. How would any of us know how good ice-cream tastes if all we ever ate was bread? How would any of us know not to roll in poison ivy unless some poor schmuck decided it would be a good idea and tried it?

Perfectly stable human being. :P

In a world that will eventually rely on compromise to survive, some tough choices will be presented to us all. If we don't embrace the mistakes we will make to get to a point where we know right from wrong, then we will shrivel up and die as those around jump feet first into their lives.

Fearing regret can only perpetuate regret in and of itself.

Skype Goats: Launching With Gareth

Welcome to our first episode in which we stuff up the levels for awhile. In fact, the launch episode will be full of tests. Testing how much we can get away with, testing the levels, testing the program etc.

Please note this is NSFW and subject matter may offend (we need to level out content eventually).

  Gareth G - 18-5-2011 by deadrebel

What We Spoke About:

3D Glasses

Please tell me you know what this is.

Chatroulette

We mentioned Chatroulette which is a random webcam service I'd NEVER been on. :| Don't even have a webcam, the internet is better off for it.


Macs Vs. PC
The eternal question made better with visual aid.

Snuff Box
Skit show starring Rich Fulcher (Mighty Boosh) and Matt Berry (IT Crowd.)


Auto-Tuning
Used a shit load by 90s Cher, an audio filter is put on vocals to give it an electronic sound.

Memes
Internet pictures or events that become part of the internet culture.


Breast Milk
Don't ask, just don't.

SUMMARY

Okay, so technically this can work. The tech is there, but I could really use some

opinions on what sort of changes you might think we need made. Perhaps

more compelling topics, more current events, personal opinions or experiences shared

or just more of the same. Leave a comment or even just get hold of me.
This episode was a launch and a test. 

Chaotic Good

I've always identified with anti-heroes. Something about perfect heroes strikes me as incredibly arrogant. Superman, Captain America, Cyclops always seemed to me as holier then thou pricks with their stubborn upholding of a code imposed on themselves. These kind of people seem to be disconnected from the world and truly what's going on around them. Not to mention how easy it must be to ignore everyone else's sense of justice for your own.

A perfect hero is the other extreme to evil madmen.

Some of my favorite protagonists are, I'm proud to say, bastards, but at their core they're the people you want on your side. I will take a bet my list of lovable rogues will destroy your list of do-gooders any day of the week and I'll even put them along side their counterparts to prove the point.

Han Solo - Luke Skywalker
Han ends up with the girl, saves Luke numerous times and seems to have a healthy social life (Wooki and all). Luke is a moaning loner who got romantically involved with his sister before having his arm taken off in the ultimate metaphor for daddy issues. It was only when Luke showed a darker side he was able to get anywhere or be nearly as badass as Han.

Dr.Gregory House - Dr.Eric Foreman
House does whatever it takes to get the job done. While he is mostly a douche bag, he has good intentions and seems intent to do whatever it takes to solve the case, even tricking his patients into getting healed. Meanwhile Foreman will not step out of line of his own moral compass even if it stands in the way of him doing good. If you've seen the show then you know that both Foreman and House can be pricks, but House is far more endearing.

Jack Bauer, Rorschach, Dr.Cox (Scrubs), Michael Westin (Burn Notice), Deadpool, Hank Moody, Eric (True Blood) and Indiana Jones all share their chaotic natures balanced by the will to do good...mostly.

In the world today one cannot think if terms of black and white, but grey. Evil kills while good prevents, but I think the reason rebels tend to be so popular is because sometimes we all wish we could train a gun on the bad guy and just blow them away.

At the very least they make for the most compelling heroes.

Concerning Friends and Phonecalls

On the 21st of January 2011, Lank Moody launched with little fanfare. I ranted about how I was going to bitch and complain about local celebrities. Today, I'm a little more mellow on the topics concerning my own personal experiences and I guess just basic thoughts on life. A lot has happened for me since January, some regrettable and some unforgettable, but one thing remains and that's the ability to document my experiences on the blog. Mostly cause someone out there might identify, or even just give a knowing nod of "A-ha."

Today, the blog has grown quite a bit. In the short space of time we've been up, with the limited exposure I've given the blog (choosing only to share on Facebook and most recently Twitter) we've seen quite a steady increase in traffic as more and more people decide to check out the blog regularly.

I don't track my own hits...just by the way.

To a more seasoned blogger, these hits may seem like peanuts, but I'm encouraged by the steady increase in traffic. It seems to rising steadily, but I'm not about to get comfortable now. I'd like to let you guys in on a feature I'm hoping to implement in the next week or two. It's exciting because even YOU can get involved, it's an open invitation to the world for a conversation about the world.

Skype Goats (working title) will be a feature I add once a week to begin with. I will call a willing stranger or friend and record the conversation (audio only) we have about life, the world or whatever comes up inbetween. That conversation will be uploaded here and will be free to listen to like any other podcast, except it's just a conversation between two people.

If you would like to be a conversational partner, add me on Skype @ deadrebelza. Look out for this sometime next week, time permitting.

I have another project for the blog in the pipeline, but as it comes closer to a reality, I shall talk more about it.

Cake Nazis (Can I say Nazis?)

You ever been in two minds about something? This cake or that cake, hmmm. Both cakes look so good, but you can only choose one; the cake Nazi is standing by to fry the cake you don't eat. Bad example? Probably, but the point remains. Whether the decision is trivial or one that can ultimately change your life, it's not a fun place to be.

I actually found a picture of a Nazi cake!?

I have a very real cake decision to make and I'm at odds with myself. I should drop this cake thing. Let's say a decision that concerns both your heart and your mind needs to be made. You want to follow your heart, in this case heart is the compassionate caring for others side of things. You also want to follow your head, the logical self-preservation side of things. You follow your heart, you could do a lot of good in someone's life and the pay off will come about later when you can be proud of yourself. You follow your head, you save yourself from a lot of emotional complications and you do what's best for you.

The problem is both decisions might have very real life-long implications starting now, but you can only choose one path. Scientifically speaking, proven by psychology, they say the complex decisions in life should be made by the gut and not by a logical decision because the result is almost always more positive for the decision maker. Problem is, I can't actually identify what my gut is telling me because I want both outcomes.

"You can't always get what you want, but if your try sometimes; well you might find, you get what you need."

-Grand Philosopher Jagger.

So what decision am I going to make? Well, for now the best decision I can make is to not make one at all. I'm going to take a step back, gain some perspective, take a break, breathe in and out, center myself, do a backflip, party hard, spoil myself, then stop...and trick myself into a gut decision when I least expect it.

Force my impulse to do something useful for a change.

Peanut Butter or Cheese?

"Faith is the art of holding onto things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." 

- C.S Lewis

Time to tackle something I don't often talk openly about, faith/religion/ritualistic belief. Whatever you call it (philosophy of religion works for me), it's not something that I like to write about because at the end of the post it sounds like I've come to a conclusion; conclusions are unnecessarily definite. Ever questioning our world is the best way to earnestly learn about it. It's the people who conclude they are superior and chuck a burning tire around the curious that we should fear, not the curious ones.

They always kill the good guys.

My object today isn't to convince, but to share a view that might resonate or stir some discussion about the most important of questions, God. Who/what/where is God? Hundreds of thousands have died defending their ideals and belief in God since the dawn of time. I honestly don't think I need to convince anyone of it's importance, so I won't bother trying.

In modern times Atheism is picking up quite a bit momentum and I guess that's understandable. As the human race as a whole gets more educated and exposed to the media, the less 'naive' and more cynical we seems to get. "How can a loving God allow such suffering?" "There's no proof that is measurable to a human being that He exists so believing in him is stupid." You hear a lot of perfectly reasonable questions and statements from people; if that is how they feel then it's no wonder they can't bring themselves to believe in a God. I do however worry about some of the bitter, more intolerant Atheists that seem to be becoming the face of Atheism. If you don't believe in God by all means don't, but when you start belittling other people's faith needlessly then you err on the side of arrogance.

Way to respect each other guys...

On the other hand, it's becoming harder than ever for most religions to keep up with the times. A lot of religions are having to make compromises to avoid straying into hate speech or even all out violence. Some religions are fighting modern times in a very dangerous external way. For them it's not a case of questioning inwardly, but taking a knife to the unbeliever's throat. Herein lies the a strong argument against God. How can a loving God promote violence, even if only to keep man-made traditions alive in modern times. So by fighting to prove God's existence you only give the other side of the argument more leverage. A silent pious faith can change hearts and minds, violence can only change the vitality of the body.

Waging war with peace before it was cool.

So what do I believe? I believe we can never fully comprehend God because we are His creations. Can a sandwich understand why I chose to have peanut butter instead of cheese? Not likely and yet it's similar for us; we cannot comprehend something not within the realm of our own understanding. We know the universe we live in has rules because those rules are proven. Gravity, momentum, speed of light, etc. These rules are ones we learn through life experience. They didn't come down from the sky to be written on stone tablets. If I put a gun to my temple and believe the bullet won't exit the chamber and then pull the trigger, I'm an idiot and deserve the bullet. At the same time, our intellect and understanding of our universe is as ever expanding as the universe itself. We don't, can't and never will know everything about the universe so how can we possibly understand the creator of it?

The blog has gone on a bit and I didn't really get to elaborate on my beliefs, but there's plenty of time. My point for today though is if anyone has ever ended another person's life because of a limited understanding of God or concept of God, then that is a life wasted to ignorance and stupidity. It breaks my heart that is continues on in the way it does even today. God doesn't belong to any of us.

Affording to Share

How did we ever survive? 20 years ago, people used to write letters; ink and paper! Neanderthals. We've come to so far and we're all the better for it...or are we? Well, the short answer is yes we are, the long answer is sort of. There's a few dangers of the information age I'd like to pay heed to, but that's a lot of material to cover. So today I'm going to share the problem it poses to creativity.

Ye Olde Tale (please read in a pretentious old British accent...if it's not too much to ask)
Tis' 1802 (at least) and Clarence DuPont has stumbled upon a glen of unimaginable beauty. The beauty of this glen inspires Clarence to seek out a means to express his humbled affections. He tells the local stable-hand whose lack of education frustrates Clarence, that was not a fulfilling apportion of the splendor of this glen. That night Clarence cannot sleep for the gorgeous glen eats away at him, how can this locale not be known to all; it must! Clarence begins work on a poem, painting and companion hymn about the glen he dubs, Heaven's Touch. Congratulations Clarence, you are now an artist and future generations will forever know the beauty you saw in that glen. Your estate and legacy will live on in your children forever.

The DuPont bros will return.

The Modern Reboot (read this is a hipster tone cause it's contemporary)
Meet Clarence DuPont, or as he is known to his friends, The Big CeeDee yo. He got lost looking for signal on his Blackberry while on an accidental trip outside the house. Clarence stumbles upon a beautiful glen, "Wow this is pretty sweet." Clarence takes a photo with his Blackberry and uploads it to Facebook. Well done Clarence, your estate and legacy will be forgotten as soon as your friend (Jimmy 'Cockroach' Almeda) uploads a picture of that hot girl he randomly hooked up with on Friday.

Modern Art

Cynical? Yeah maybe. Thing is it used to be difficult to share our thoughts, we used to have to earn that right. It used to eat at us that our experiences would be lost to future generations (like tears in the rain), so we would actively immortalize it in creative ways. These days, we got it so easy we take it for granted, so why try harder. Funny stance for someone with a blog to have, but I think that the ease of sharing our experiences means we're apathetic to our own and other's experiences. Can you imagine half the people on FML decided to turn their experiences into a painting, poem, novel or movie? A lot of work maybe, but it'd certainly last longer than a status on FB.

Now there will always be artists, because there will be people who make art no matter what. That cannot be stopped because the human condition to document experience will always be instinctual (hopefully). At the end of the day, what price do we pay for the information age? Well for one we might be losing out on this generations Picasso because he has BBM and maybe that's too much of a price to pay.

"Painting is just another way of keeping a diary" - Pablo Picasso.