Three Goals To Uno

Tomorrow will be Friday, which will bring to a close the longest week of my life. As you've noticed by my posts this week, it wasn't easy to get through, but I feel like I've come out of it all incredibly lucky and I am going to be happy and heal. So as I access the situation I find myself in, I have hope in my heart and a smile on my face.

Looking forward I have some goals I have set for myself, they do not have a deadline because it doesn't matter when they happen, only that they do. As discussed in my previous post, we must not live in the future, but that doesn't mean we can't set goals for ourselves. While the risk of not achieving those goals is disappointment, the reward for completing a goal for one's self is worth the risk. Feeling Kickass, self-confident and becoming stronger is the pay off.

I'm the only one that kicks my ass. :)

Goal Number One: Stay Who I Am While Maturing Into An Adult

Strange goal right? Well I'm going through some major changes in my life right now, changes that threaten to pervert some fundamental aspects of my life; some fundamental aspects of my life that I am proud of. Yeah, I have some areas of my life that should change and I don't mind growing out of those (I welcome it), but as I grow older there are some aspects of myself I want to keep. I'm a romantic, I'm in touch with my emotions, I have a good sense of humor (funny how you can't say that about yourself because everyone's perspective of funny is different, but I own this about myself...I know I can crack a joke), I have an imagination, I have hope, I have a level head and a big heart. These are a few things I don't want time to change. Believe me, there's more than enough reasons to become numb in the world today, but I'm human and I am proud of my humanity.

Goal Number Two: Continue To Work At My Passion

I absolutely LOVE writing, it's not even work to me. Conceptualizing an idea, putting it to paper, expressing myself through a chain of preplanned words (just like that) and sharing with someone or an audience a compelling tale; these are things I dream about making a career out of doing one day. Problem is in Cape Town at least, this is not realistic. I don't want to give up writing, but I need to think about the breadline from now on. I will never stop writing, I made that promise to myself at the beginning of this blog and I will follow through with that, I can still be happy if I choose to pursue something that might get me there without wasting my time. (Oh, but if you happen to know of any full time positions that requires a writer, by all mean...look me up)

Goal Number Three: Be Happy In My Own Skin

I do like myself, but I'm not always happy with myself. I make mistakes, I have aspects of myself that can be improved and that's without all the expected acceptable human flaws. Sometimes I don't even make mistakes and I beat myself up about that. When I let myself down, I tend to dwell on it. I have support to deal with this, but I need to rely on myself too. At first it will be difficult, but it will happen when it happens; I'm not too worried about it. Be strong within myself first so that I can be strong for others; I will work at it a little by little.

That's the three most important things I am setting as goals for myself today. From next week we'll be back to normal blogs, I hope these have at least been interesting and maybe you even got to know this random guy a little better. Thanks for reading if you did, you won't get this far if you didn't. :)

Future Proof By Living Today

You ever wake up after a really decent sleep to a world with just a little bit more colour? The tea tastes better, the birds tweeting outside are just as irritating (except you really don't bother to imagine shooting them with a tranquilizer) and the promise of your future excites you.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...(a long relieved sigh not a loud scared scream)

Today isn't going to be a fact driven blog, no sir. Today is going to be a concept driven piece and that concept is new beginnings. There are certain stages of major change in our lives, some are scary, some are exciting and some are both. Most of them are obvious, first day of school, moving overseas, a new job, but some are less obvious. The less obvious ones can be hard because you come across feelings you're not prepared to have and they're confusing. If you lucky, you can identify those feelings and put your mind at ease. If you've been going through the confusing emotions for a while, identifying, solving and working through those feelings can really revive you like a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart.

Or be shot by a Canadian... embarrassing.

So where do you go from there? Well first off you will naturally face doubts. Your mind has been in a certain mode for a long time and changing gears will take some getting used to. Taking it at your own speed is the best plan at that point. Do whatever it takes to feel good and then deal with that, then take the next step. I tend to think in terms of the future. I have been like that for a long time, it comes from having a passionate dream (which is NOT a bad thing, but you need to live in the now sometimes). Growing up looking forward to the future all the time can hurt you because the present blasts by so quickly and you've not stopped to appreciate it.

Today is the only day you need to live for today. Planning for your future is important, but you can still live today and plan for your future, balance is the key. So what does this mean for me? It means I'm putting my future on hold for awhile to discover who I am today.

It's the tl;dr of today's post.

I still have a future, there's no choice there. I know where I want to be 10 years from now, I know who I want to be with 10 years from now and I know what I want to be doing 10 years from now, but nothing I do today can insure that will happen in the future or if that is what I will even want 10 years from now. A good (best) friend once told me, you only disappoint yourself when you set your future ahead of your present. Each time you don't achieve a dream because of worry, you hurt yourself; so rather start off living today before setting your future standard too high (at least the last part is what I understood from the first part)

Thanks for reading, I'll check you around tomorrow because I got stuff to do...today.

Line of Love Has Been Drawn

Love has no rules, it's a free agent. It stalks the night like a shade and brightens the day beyond recognition. There are many feelings that may arise to partner up with love. Apprehension, confusion, guilt, joy and even hate can all rear their heads alongside a healthy does of love. Thing is, not everyone can describe in words what it means to love someone. I can try.

I know this is supposed to be scientific and interesting, but it's my expressionist blog so I will cry if I want to.
Firstly let's begin with the foundation for being loved...loving one's self. This is usually the most difficult part of loving because we can be our harshest critics. If we don't love ourselves then the love we receive might make us uncomfortable, we may question it's validity. To love one's self you have to confront and know one's self. This can be confusing, but luckily if you're attempting this then you probably have someone in your life that can help you. You only need to reach out to them.

Now that that is out the way there's a warning. There is a difference between infatuation and love, the one being like a sharp spark of affection that comes on strongly and the other lasting the ages for all time. Infatuation will seem a lot like love to begin with. Maybe it answers questions or provides insight, but you never know if you're asking the right questions. You're probably going to be happy in this state for awhile because it's really fulfilling, but it's a sprint to the finish. You may get the baseball stats of the person who you're involved with, but the important stuff wouldn't have had time to rise to the surface. When it does you may be in for a shock.

True love on the other hand is patient. It creeps into our lives taking hold of our hearts and comforts us. With true love, you take the time to get to know someone deeply and love them for it. You take all their flaws that you discover over time and you appreciate them as they come instead of breaking our backs all at once. The person you love becomes the most important aspect of your emotional center. They will provide safety, comfort and care as well as the all important passion. When love finally sinks it's roots into the core there is an apex and everything about how you feel makes sense. There's no confusion, there's not doubt, this is the person you want to be with.

I suppose it's obvious I'm writing this because it's a subject that's close to my heart. My passion will not subside, my mind will not falter and I will not give up. I promised this to myself and to her and, although I have weak moments, will stay strong for the both of us.

PS: NO PICTURES because this is a special edition. The words should be strong enough.

What's Emotions Got To Do With It?

Welcome back. Last week I touched on something that really interested me and I wanted to talk more about it, emotions. Or rather the purpose of emotions and why we evolved emotions. Firstly, before I get into it, animals do show emotions. Sad puppies and happy kittens are pretty blatant examples and a good reason to feature a cute picture on the blog.

Cats rule; dogs drool.

Now that that is out the way, let me explain that I'm not talking about animal emotions. I'm talking about human emotions specifically. Over time, emotions have evolved in us. As early man probably only had the capacity to show similar emotions to primates, it's interesting to think that there are new emotions that are being defined even today. Some early classics probably included, confusion, horny, anger, sadness. Today we still got those in buckets, but we also get jealousy, envy and the most important one of all, love.

But above all else...love.

We've had love for a long time, but for the puposes of science; what function does love serve? Well for one, love cannot be measured by science. Indeed it's as alien to science as yawning, we simply do not know how it triggers. We of course know how it works, chemicals releasing into our bodies working it's way through to the nibbly bits, but not how to trigger it. I, for example, cannot simply show you something and you fall in love with it truly, it usually happens through natural means (Sangoma or otherwise). Sure you may love it, but not be in love with it. And guys...this is not love:

Although it should be.

If everything in our bodies happens for a reason (sneezing and tears for example), then love serves a higher purpose. So what purpose does love serve? I think as human beings love evolved out of our need for being loved. For example, we can only love someone for so long, but if we do not receive the love back it fades and we try again. This is only a theory I have, so it's open to discussion. I'm in the mood to talk about this so tomorrow I'll unpack this subject a bit more.

Thanks for reading.