Of Shaving Cream and Spiders.

I didn't expect this morning I'd choke on my tea, but then it happened and I had to pass along the feeling to the rest of the world (if you don't drink tea then choke on something else for me?). I discovered this example of us evolving into spineless jelly-heads. ASA Withdraws "Cruel" Spider Ad.

Basically the tl;dr of it is the SPCA have asked the advertisement to be withdrawn because when a little girl's family freaks out over a spider and she calms the situation by researching spider disposal techniques on her phone before spraying shaving cream over it, it's considered cruel and unusual. What's cruel and unusual is how I butchered my English to get all that out in a single sentence.

Not getting a job as a graphic artist anytime soon.

When is enough political correctness enough? How long until the line is drawn? I shit you not when I say I expect to hear about some watchdog group fighting for the rights of office ferns in the future. I can see it now, "We feel the office fern is being unfairly kept indoors and exploited for a quick breath of oxygen!" I can imagine the SPCA PR team are pretty bored unless it's their version of Christmas (November 5; Guy Fawkes Day). What next, lobby against Doom/Raid? Fighting for the rights of sewer rats, locusts, mosquitoes?

To be fair there should be balance I don't dispute that, but it's hard not to see hidden agendas when this kind of story comes around. Perhaps this ridiculous action generates donations and publicity? It wouldn't be the first time someone acted like a total tosser in public to gain attention for a legit cause...this week.

It's almost as if watchdog groups are in a race with others to see who can become more human faster. There is a difference between being humane, being human and being a complete whack job. Humane is being compassionate and caring towards others, human is the state of being we share as a species (you can't be more or less human unless you are genetically altered that way) and being a complete whack job is complaining that disposing of spiders is cruel and unusual and that the insect is somehow self-aware (science so far shows no evidence that spiders are self aware thank God).

I am not against the SPCA or PETA any of these organizations, but I just wish they would stop to think about where their responsibilities end and us as informed responsible adults begin. As a sign of support I will put this really funny ad up from the SPCA.

Thanks for reading.

The Power of Cats.

Just to prove I'm not all driveling hate and disdain, I will write today about the mystical charm and power of internet cats. Yes, just about anything can be made better with cats (partly why I've made them a topic on the blog).

Oh look, a caption! I figured out how Kyle. :)

It's interesting that cats are so universally appealing and they have been throughout the ages. The example we all know about is the Egyptians worshiping them because they protected the Nile crops from rats and vermin, eventually leading the Goddess Bast being depicted as a Cat (or at least a rather unfortunate humanoid born with a cat head). Recently it's been discovered they were valued as pets over 9000 years before that in Cyprus. Pretty kiff, but I'm obviously not here to discuss history. Let's talk about the modern cat.

If the internet were a country, the sacred animal would be the cat. Try this yourself, go to Google and search images and type anything and cat. Chances are you'll find some sort of humorous picture with a cat in it. Cats are good for viral videos and anyone from your grandma to your parole officer is likely to link it to you in a chain e-mail. When the internet was still young and pubescent (who am I kidding, it's still pubescent), a little place called 4chan ran caturdays, which morphed into lolcats and has held staying power ever since. Try to pretend you've never heard of lolcats before...impossible right?

We know that cats are intertwined with the fate of the internet (ironically since the urban legend goes God kills a kitten everytime you masturbate and what is the internet most used for...statistically?). Can we measure the power of a cat? 48,478,784 million people watched a particular cat video on YouTube which is close to the total population of South Africa. Think about that for second, the entire population of South Africa took 4 minutes off to watch a bunch of felines slipping on tiles and chasing lazers. Humans have come a long way in such a short time. If there is one thing I'm thankful for however is that cats can't run for president, do mechanical car work or become lawyers. I think the human race as a collective would be tossed about like a cotton ball.

Shrien Dewani's new PR manager was almost too effective

I think today's post made some real ground breaking progress and wasn't pointless at all. What do you think? Love cats? Love pointless? Love pointless cat blogs? I leave you with a old favorite, all credit for it goes to my good friend Mr.Graham. Two cheers for fluff pieces.

YOU are not celebrities!

Strap in kids, this morning I bitch about something you (South Africans) are probably fully aware of, the YOU magazine.

But first, a mood setter:

Yes, South African celebrities (or Zalebs as they are affectionately called by the media) are known for many things. They are known for their houses, their families, their babies, their scandals, their "demons," but apparently their talent or lack thereof, isn't a problem. Ok, let me pull that punch and say most Zalebs (not all) are talentless hacks that ride on the publicity generated by magazines marketed to housewives who view life as they would a soapie.

So who will serve as my example? Steve Hofmeyr would be too obvious right now, Amor Vittone isn't worth the effort and Locnville is basically SA's answer to Justin Bieber except there's two of them and they are hip hop rap stars. There's a hit list of "Zalebs" I'd love to bitch about, but the sad fact is they have their fans and if they have their fans then they're entitled to their celebrity. Hell our country elected Zuma so who can say what is healthy for our country when it seems to be a sucker for punishment.

Now I know for a fact SA has some talented artists, but why are they never in the YOU magazine? Probably because they can rely on talent alone to make a fulfilling life for themselves or because they can keep their fans without a nasty divorce or showing off their homes in Top Billing (oh god that's a whole other blog). They're already making names for themselves in the international realm. We sometimes hear of these examples after the world recognizes their talent and then the local magazines are all over them like flies on shit.  If you knew what you were doing YOU would have found these okes before they left the country to pursue their dreams.

Slowly the worlds eyes are focusing on South Africa and I hope by the time we're exporting artists it's one's that we can all be proud of. Would you like to punt your favorite South African artists? Feel free to leave a comment on them and perhaps we can get them up here for a blog on real SA talent.

The alternative is:

Never Stop Writing

Backed into a corner even Gandhi would take an aggressive swing, I'm not lying he said so himself (I think). Point is, this is me backed into a corner. I'm pretty non-confrontational as a being, preferring to shrink into the shadows and imagine I strike back like a viper (I never do).

Instead of an aggressive swing, I've decided to write a strongly worded letter; "Please don't crush my dreams." If no one reads it, at least I put myself out there dangling in the wind like an invisible nudist or a mine.

Firstly, I'm a proud South African (for our international readers it's right next to Wonderland and just before Oz). Born and raised in Cape Town I've never left the province in my conscious life. "Gasp, horror, Wilhelm scream!" Yes I'm untraveled, but what I lack in experience I make up for in naive curiosity. If I like a place I research it, but now I digress. Point is no one can dispute my nationality, if I'm not South African then what am I? Limbonese?

Now that that's out the way, I'd like to say as proud as I am of South Africa there are certain South African tendencies I am absolutely fed up with! The drunk driving epidemic, the government that works more like a corporate business, the extremists on both sides, the political correctness that stifles freedom of speech, the nationalization of free speech, the crime, the You magazine "celebrities." I'm moody, lank moody and from now on, I'll never stop writing. I will express the kak out of myself and if you're along to watch the freak show unfold, be my guest.

If you're frustrated, angry and want to vent to the world then this blog is for you.

If you're Steve Hofmeyr...then you might not want to come back here.