I've been wondering what to do with this blog for awhile now since I don't feel it's relevance in my life anymore. It was an exercise, it was therapy, it was one oke's way of figuring out life's little mysteries. Little mysteries like, what does it all mean, is balance what we need when the truly remarkable are unbalanced and how can I be the star of my own life if I can't even identify with the lead.
A soundtrack to the end.
For the most part I got my answers and they are contained in 50 posts more or less. The following story is pretty much the context for Lank Moody and why it's coming to an end. I might flesh this out further in the future, but for now this is the companion piece to the life and times of my own existential blog.
Cogito ergo sum - The dork behind it all.
Lank Moody started in February while I was going through a very frustrating period in my life. I wasn't getting anywhere in my career after two years of indifference and my relationship was falling apart due to being almost 'too perfect'. I needed a punching bag and I found that in the local 'celebrity' scene. Ripping on Malema was fantastic as a diversion and I would kid myself thinking that "at least I got something published on the net." I still stand by my opinion of these 'celebrities' but I guess I've gotten some priorities in order.
A parody of a celebrity becoming a celebrity like those he was parodying in the first place. Great success.
In March the relationship that was threatening to fail did, and I pretty much took it as hard as I could. Lost 10kgs, didn't sleep properly for weeks and wrote (if I do say so myself) the most amazing blogs I've ever done...totally worth it. I was grieving as one would with a death except the ghosts were real, physical, breathing, laughing, moving on, etc. I was in arrested development so I lashed out in my personal life, drunk driving, promiscuous hookups and a car accident of such comically disastrous circumstances that I can only laugh about it now. This continued for a good few months before things changed almost over night.
Self destruction era indeed.
I rediscovered my personal passions that are film, writing, working and partying hard (with the added clause of responsibly). I decided the time was right to retake my family heritage, taking on my true surname Ward as a symbol for reinventing myself. Got my first job in the film industry in over 6 years, I was a production assistant on Safe House staring Ryan Reynolds and Denzil Washington. I felt confident in my abilities once more. Then I stumbled my way into an internship at the once great One Small Seed magazine. In a lot of ways the magazine and I shared a dangerous symptom, indifference, but I'm happy to report we're both coming out of it. (Issue 23 is fucking amazing JUST by the way). I got my first published writing credit for an international publication and everything started rolling out for me.
These days I'm more confident in myself, mostly. I'm becoming more of the person I want to be, the person I always was but too afraid to be. I'm happy with the results and stepping forward I realize I want to fresh start if I do write online. I want this to be my book of Genesis, round it off and begin with my Exodus (you needn't be religious to get that metaphor). To all the people and characters that have come and gone and remain in my life (good or bad) to this day, I thank you. You have all had a role to play and I look forward to many more scenes with you. As I grow, we grow and as we grow, so relationships are strengthened and made to last.
The best relationships start with mutual detest.
And so today I say goodbye to Lank Moody, to all it represented to me. Therapy, the pillow to scream into, the stress ball to break my knuckles on, the much needed companion in my recovery. It has served it's purpose and with that I send it off as a Viking to Valhalla. It shall return as a memory to me perhaps in 10 years or when I need to reflect again on my life. For now though, there are other projects to pursue and different steps to take forward. Lank Moody, I appreciate you because I don't know if I'd be who I am today without you.
All the best
David Ward (formally and formerly known as David R Knott)
