Peanut Butter or Cheese?

"Faith is the art of holding onto things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." 

- C.S Lewis

Time to tackle something I don't often talk openly about, faith/religion/ritualistic belief. Whatever you call it (philosophy of religion works for me), it's not something that I like to write about because at the end of the post it sounds like I've come to a conclusion; conclusions are unnecessarily definite. Ever questioning our world is the best way to earnestly learn about it. It's the people who conclude they are superior and chuck a burning tire around the curious that we should fear, not the curious ones.

They always kill the good guys.

My object today isn't to convince, but to share a view that might resonate or stir some discussion about the most important of questions, God. Who/what/where is God? Hundreds of thousands have died defending their ideals and belief in God since the dawn of time. I honestly don't think I need to convince anyone of it's importance, so I won't bother trying.

In modern times Atheism is picking up quite a bit momentum and I guess that's understandable. As the human race as a whole gets more educated and exposed to the media, the less 'naive' and more cynical we seems to get. "How can a loving God allow such suffering?" "There's no proof that is measurable to a human being that He exists so believing in him is stupid." You hear a lot of perfectly reasonable questions and statements from people; if that is how they feel then it's no wonder they can't bring themselves to believe in a God. I do however worry about some of the bitter, more intolerant Atheists that seem to be becoming the face of Atheism. If you don't believe in God by all means don't, but when you start belittling other people's faith needlessly then you err on the side of arrogance.

Way to respect each other guys...

On the other hand, it's becoming harder than ever for most religions to keep up with the times. A lot of religions are having to make compromises to avoid straying into hate speech or even all out violence. Some religions are fighting modern times in a very dangerous external way. For them it's not a case of questioning inwardly, but taking a knife to the unbeliever's throat. Herein lies the a strong argument against God. How can a loving God promote violence, even if only to keep man-made traditions alive in modern times. So by fighting to prove God's existence you only give the other side of the argument more leverage. A silent pious faith can change hearts and minds, violence can only change the vitality of the body.

Waging war with peace before it was cool.

So what do I believe? I believe we can never fully comprehend God because we are His creations. Can a sandwich understand why I chose to have peanut butter instead of cheese? Not likely and yet it's similar for us; we cannot comprehend something not within the realm of our own understanding. We know the universe we live in has rules because those rules are proven. Gravity, momentum, speed of light, etc. These rules are ones we learn through life experience. They didn't come down from the sky to be written on stone tablets. If I put a gun to my temple and believe the bullet won't exit the chamber and then pull the trigger, I'm an idiot and deserve the bullet. At the same time, our intellect and understanding of our universe is as ever expanding as the universe itself. We don't, can't and never will know everything about the universe so how can we possibly understand the creator of it?

The blog has gone on a bit and I didn't really get to elaborate on my beliefs, but there's plenty of time. My point for today though is if anyone has ever ended another person's life because of a limited understanding of God or concept of God, then that is a life wasted to ignorance and stupidity. It breaks my heart that is continues on in the way it does even today. God doesn't belong to any of us.

Affording to Share

How did we ever survive? 20 years ago, people used to write letters; ink and paper! Neanderthals. We've come to so far and we're all the better for it...or are we? Well, the short answer is yes we are, the long answer is sort of. There's a few dangers of the information age I'd like to pay heed to, but that's a lot of material to cover. So today I'm going to share the problem it poses to creativity.

Ye Olde Tale (please read in a pretentious old British accent...if it's not too much to ask)
Tis' 1802 (at least) and Clarence DuPont has stumbled upon a glen of unimaginable beauty. The beauty of this glen inspires Clarence to seek out a means to express his humbled affections. He tells the local stable-hand whose lack of education frustrates Clarence, that was not a fulfilling apportion of the splendor of this glen. That night Clarence cannot sleep for the gorgeous glen eats away at him, how can this locale not be known to all; it must! Clarence begins work on a poem, painting and companion hymn about the glen he dubs, Heaven's Touch. Congratulations Clarence, you are now an artist and future generations will forever know the beauty you saw in that glen. Your estate and legacy will live on in your children forever.

The DuPont bros will return.

The Modern Reboot (read this is a hipster tone cause it's contemporary)
Meet Clarence DuPont, or as he is known to his friends, The Big CeeDee yo. He got lost looking for signal on his Blackberry while on an accidental trip outside the house. Clarence stumbles upon a beautiful glen, "Wow this is pretty sweet." Clarence takes a photo with his Blackberry and uploads it to Facebook. Well done Clarence, your estate and legacy will be forgotten as soon as your friend (Jimmy 'Cockroach' Almeda) uploads a picture of that hot girl he randomly hooked up with on Friday.

Modern Art

Cynical? Yeah maybe. Thing is it used to be difficult to share our thoughts, we used to have to earn that right. It used to eat at us that our experiences would be lost to future generations (like tears in the rain), so we would actively immortalize it in creative ways. These days, we got it so easy we take it for granted, so why try harder. Funny stance for someone with a blog to have, but I think that the ease of sharing our experiences means we're apathetic to our own and other's experiences. Can you imagine half the people on FML decided to turn their experiences into a painting, poem, novel or movie? A lot of work maybe, but it'd certainly last longer than a status on FB.

Now there will always be artists, because there will be people who make art no matter what. That cannot be stopped because the human condition to document experience will always be instinctual (hopefully). At the end of the day, what price do we pay for the information age? Well for one we might be losing out on this generations Picasso because he has BBM and maybe that's too much of a price to pay.

"Painting is just another way of keeping a diary" - Pablo Picasso.

The Persistence of Time

How do we measure time? It's all relative, yeah there's 60 seconds in a minute and 60 minutes in an hour, but a minute waiting for the bus is not the same as a minute putting your finger on a hot stove (for example). The latter feeling much longer to grit through, not to mention idiotic (examples and logic are not exclusive).
No, when I ask how you measure time, I'm definitely not talking about scientific method, I'm talking about how measured the time feels to your psyche.

 Salvador Dali understood the relative nature of time.

I've touched upon this lightly before in the blog when I didn't really have much inspiration, but thought patterns are just that, patterns and I guess I'm back on time again (with vigor). I've been reading a lot of peoples' experiences online with acceptance, emotional recovery and other similar topics in relation to time because I'm hoping to map out my own expected 'due date'. I suppose you could say my due date is whenever I want, but that's forced; forced recovery is comparable to a band-aid. Natural healing is permanent although you can expect a few scars. Enough exposition, time to get to the point.

And that point is time. Truth is, our minds control (and track) the passing of time. Time is a man-made concept used to measure durations passing through life. It's effective, but what came first, our concept of time measurement as we lived or our lives passing ignorant of time? The mind of evolved human beings has tracked time since the earliest stages of history. It's part of a coping mechanism we've developed although we're not sure why. We've perfected the calender, we know there's 24 hours in earth's rotation, and our tracking of time allows us to make goals; does this mean it's the same to us all? Definitely not.

I'm having a shit week, everyday passes slower than molasses on a glacier. You're having an amazing week, everyday shoots by faster than lightning on speed. Yet seven days have passed for both of us, 168 hours, etc. So what's different; our minds perceived the passing of time very differently because of what our psyche was being put through. Pain of any kind, distress, confusion, routine and many more contribute to slowing time down in our minds as we observe the passing of time, but the truth is there are no set rules to follow here (even as I do my best to understand them). Excitement may cause anticipation which in turn slows time.

You better identify...it's a cat!

The real clincher here is that if the passing of time is controlled by our mind's perception then the more we think about the passing of time, the slower it seems. So people who tend to think more about time and it's passing will in fact experience time at a different pace than those who don't. People who are oblivious to time are actually involved in an incredibly crude form of time travel; Doctor Who eat your heart out. My friend and yours, Albert Einstein had this to say about time.

"...for us physicists believe the separation between past, present, and future is only an illusion, although a convincing one." - Albert Einstein 

So when we wonder how long it will take for a process in our minds to take hold, we are asking the wrong question. We shouldn't wonder when we will move on, when we will heal, when we will be at peace. People will give us advice, they'll give us durations from personal experience and these are guidelines and awkward ones at that. The questions we should be asking start with "if," "how," and "why" because "when" is relative, fluid and changing every moment we ponder it.

The amazing thing about people is that no one thinks the same. We may come to some common ground on topics, but no one's minds are completely in sync and it's therefore impossible to assume things like time are uniformly the same for everyone. A month for me is not a month for you, a year for me is not a year for you.

The fabric of time does not fit us all in the same way, for some of us it chafes.

Nothing Eternal Without Commitment

So I recently had the opportunity to re-watch a film that really impressed upon me when I first watched it. At the time (around 2006) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind stuck with me because of it's visual representation of a love story between two very different personality types. I enjoyed it for being different, but I don't think I really understood the depth of it's message and it's commentary on real life relationships at the time. I can tell you now, with a little more experience under my belt that I'm of the opinion it's probably the most realistic representation of a romantic relationship I've ever experienced (surreal setting and all). It pulls no punches when it shows the ugly side of long-term relationship problems and how they come about. I'll be talking about the film in depth quite a bit, so I suggest if you've not seen it...you do and if you have read on.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

...by all means watch the film if you haven't.

Expect beauty in surreal situations.

The story follows the emotional introvert Joel (Jim Carrey) and the creatively charged Clementine (Kate Winslet) dealing with their harsh breakup after a longterm relationship. Clementine, described in her own words as impulsive, decides to deal with it by undergoing a new process which selectively erases memories. She erases Joel completely from her mind. Upon discovering she has done this, Joel decides to deal with it in the same way. Much of the film takes place in Joel's memories of Clementine as they are slowly being erased from his mind as he sleeps.

This leads to many dreamlike imagery. 

The real eye-opener for me after the recent viewing was how his memories are erased in the order of most recent to the earliest possible memory of Clementine and what that exposes about couples. See at first, we only see the shit that Joel and Clementine put each other through. They fight constantly, are irritable with each other and bored to death in each other's company. Meanwhile, the audience is thinking, isn't this a love story? Yes, it is...it's just a very honest one. Later on in the lifespan of relationships, two people who love each other might be be prone to risk of love auto-pilot because of how secure they are in the relationship. We do this with our family and friends too. It's that way with ALL relationships, we get comfortable. It takes a lot at this point to always be on form, because we don't even stop to think we're in a rut.

Anyway, getting back to why I bring this up. As we begin to move backwards into Joel and Clementine's relationship, we witness their memories getting more and more tender because they were very much in love. Joel soon discovers that he doesn't want to forget these better memories and wants to stop the process. Now he realizes he doesn't want to forget Clementine, even if their relationship became unbearable. So he begins to attempt to hide her in his memories. What follows is the discovery that a love once shared will always remain secure in our memories.

When we go through hard times we immediately do stupid shit to forget our memories. We take up smoking (then immediately quit *winking smiley face?*), we go to places we shouldn't to distract us from our current location in life, we go through random hookups to bury the bad memories with shallow new ones; whatever we do to forget, we don't realize that the bad memories may not ever go away, but in time we will rediscover the good memories too. Then we will be happy we never forgot them because they will become a source of strength and not of hurt.

It took this film to give me another piece of the puzzle of evolving. Slowly the picture is becoming clearer and clearer; all part of the progress and improvement that we all go through growing up. For some of us it's automatic, for people like me...we have to think, rationalize and understand every intricate process that happens within us before we're at peace. Sometimes I think the automatic would be easier to drive.

In the end of the film (after a lot of confusion), Joel asks Clementine to try again. Clementine explains they should never get back together because they'll just fall into the same patterns, but Joel looks her straight in the face and says, "Ok" which makes Clementine happy. The fact they are aware and at peace with that happening means that they are free to create more amazing memories together and perhaps, when the love auto-pilot sets in, deal with it together. That commitment is at least one facet of true love, one I'm excited to find.

No One Likes a Smartarse, Nietzsche.

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Your mustache is irrelevant, I wish you were too.

What a tool. You ever get that realization that someone you've always despised for being so damn cynical is actually wise about one of his damn cynical quotes? Well I've just had that realization and I can tell you as much as I dislike it, accepting new knowledge and wisdom is (tainted) enlightenment. If you're the sort of person who grew up with happy endings or rather enjoying happy endings, you know the sort.; the lovable loser overcomes his demons, the antagonist and still walks away knee-deep in love interest. When you grow up with that sort of hope ingrained in your psyche, finding out the reality is real endings don't happen, you tend to get frustrated.

You're waiting for the ending, the resolution, the plot twist that unravels everything into sense; it doesn't come, but that doesn't stop you hoping. You wait and writhe in hope, it's all you have left. You feel it the most when you're alone because what else can you do? Then Nietzsche para-bombs in and wrecks your shitty excuses and dreams with the sad fact that you are in fact miserable in hope. Truth is, the only resolution in your life you'll ever have is death (sounds like something Nietzsche might say). Everything up to that point is just exposition on a life you're living until you don't (so do your best, I know I will).

The dude speaks truth.

Okay sorry, time to turn this around now. Hope sucks right, it alone can trick you. You'll chase shadows, you'll become content to sit and wait ("a resolution is coming right?"), you'll kid yourself into believing you have some sort of control. Hope alone sends many a man to the sirens. You need something more than hope, you need resolve and man let me tell you...there is such power in resolve (over 9000 in fact)!

Growing up, I really admired Vegeta's stupid resolve to better
himself, his reasons were a bit suspect though.

Yes, the official hero of hope is resolve. What do you want? Go get it, do it now! Resolve is our true hope, because we can determine what we want and just get it the hell done, no hope required. My hope conflicts with my resolve. I resolve to accept no less than I deserve, yet my hope has me thinking I want less or rather to go back to the only life I've ever known. So push on, keep your eye on the prize, get it done, go for it, break a leg on the your goal's face. Wreck yourself, make mistakes, break hearts, just for the love of yourself do something, keep some steel and resolve. What resolve does, it enlivens action. Action doesn't give a rat's ass about hope, it just does what it's meant to do and the consequences are what's left. Hell, you could quote me on that.

"Resolve in action is the most volatile of realities because it doesn't give a rat's ass about maybes. There's always a result with resolve." - David R. Knott (not eloquent, but who listens to eloquence these days)

Yeah Nietzsche, turns out you're only good for one thing.

Yeah, I just stole a mustache, looks good if you ask me. 

The Social Deathtrap

Chances are, if you're reading this, then you belong to a social network. Seeing as the only place I link this blog is on Facebook, you're on Facebook. Unless you're a random visitor, welcome. With proper consistent access to the internet anyone might find themselves part of a social network. Twitter, Facebook, forum or MSN, you're connected to other people pretty much constantly through these social networks. Even offline they have the ability to see your activity. I think we can all agree that is both a scary prospect and one we will continue to allow.

I'm not going to go into the why of social networking, we just do; we always have and we always will. I'm talking majority here, I've met more than a few people who swear off social networking and they might just be the smart ones...no offence. What I will delve into is perhaps the implications of being so closely weaved into people's lives without always being able to participate in them ourselves or in some cases being excluded altogether. Also, some other dangers cause by social networking that were not present in relationships of the past. A bit of a meaty subject, slightly salted with cynicism complete with a side of personal experience.

Bon appetit bitches!

Remember that time where if you did something regrettable to or with someone, you'd just pass that person by in life, learn a lesson and move on? Well no, neither do I in my adult life, but this used to happen all the time. I'd imagine in the 80s more than any other decade, seems a lot of people from the time have regrets about hair and clothes and stuff. What are they talking about, I love the 80s.

Today however, because of social networks, you might get caught up with the person (or situation) on a social networking site. This leads to photos, wall posts, friends of friends and an entire plethora of semi-permanent reminders that are there for all the other people in your life to sort through. No longer are your problems your own. Okay they definitely are, but you're so weaved into the fabric of the bigger picture that it's there for everyone to gander. As we've learnt from nature, observed behavior is not natural behavior. Any problem is only perpetuated by the wake of reminders, we can delete them or set the privacy level higher, but even that is an action that will carry with it certain implications.

In the past, you'd collect memories in a private photo album, store that away and pull it out when you were feeling nostalgic. There was a process to this that allowed reflection. We don't have that anymore, it's instant good or bad. We hear about intimate personal life changing stuff on the web and most of us brush it off, but what if it's not something we're supposed to hear. I mean, IS it something we're supposed to hear? Engagements, breakups, hookups, weekend retreats, jobs, getting fired, we all share things we'd usually have to meet up for drinks to discuss.

TMI!!!

Personally, this bigger picture, the connections through connections is really having a negative effect on something I'm trying to learn a lesson from. Everytime I'm in the clear, them albums come up or I hear about a sharing of a friend through a friend. It really slows the process of moving forward down, feels like an ichor of tar holding me down. Being so connected and so distant at the same time means I can't respond. It's not a phone call, it's a telegram.

Infamous telegraph time.

But it's the human condition to share. I do it, we all do, and we've all had it done to us. We deal with it as we can and the one consolation about social networking is that we're all definitely in it together, good or bad. It builds communities, it builds relationships, but also how we share can create the illusion of a relationship when it only exists in an online format.

Unplug your internet, unplug your friends.

Waking Up After Lost Time

So I let the blog slide quite a bit, got caught up and lost space and time. This instance was on a micro-level of approximately 5 days. What am I talking about? In Science the faster an object moves through space, the slower time passes for said object...or so the theory goes. What I'm proposing is that this can happen to our inner psyche too. For example when you're bored time slows down because you're moving through life slowly; time flies when you're having fun.

Trolling time and space since the 1st Dimension.

Anyway, I guess I've had a chance to formally sit down and write a blog and although I had my sights set on facing a demon in my hero, I will put that aside for another day. Today, I'm not sure what to write about. One second, I'm going to try find some sort of inspiration.........

Bit of inspirational tunes?

Nope. Not today and that's okay because there's 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week for all eternity...until I die. They can't all be winners. I've have been making progress on another front that is exciting, being a certain screenplay I blogged about. I'm at least a third into the first draft which is still early days, but the writer's block I had has been destroyed.

For the curious, I'll post the screenplay up when it's finished on the blog, or at least a link to download it. That way you can see the formatting of a screenplay and be entertained by a classic display or good vs evil in a contemporary setting; well maybe, they can't all be winners.

The Life and Times of Luc Besson

Picking up where we left off yesterday (you've no excuse to just go read it), where do we find our legend today? The legend being Luc Besson to recap. Well, how about a brief history lesson about Mr.Besson so that you can share in the experience of how he came to be. I'll divide it up into neat bits too, for easy consumption. I'll only consider the full length features that he directed to keep the list accomplished. 

EARLY BESSON

In which Besson grows as a writer/director.

Le Dernier Combat (The Final Combat)

With nearly zero dialog and maybe two minutes of music, this post-apocalyptic survival film relies almost entirely upon plot to move forward. Yet showing his love of character, Luc Besson is able to drive the film forward on a mute protagonist we root for only through what we see of him. An amazing film no doubt and well worth a watch.

Subway

Not going to lie, I need to watch this one again. I really enjoyed it, but the last act of the film always felt incredibly messy to me. Having only seen it once though I can't judge it. The plot centers around an enigmatic man who happens upon sensitive documents and hides out in the Paris Metro subway. While there he gets into a lot of chases, falls in love with a mobster's daughter and starts a band. Yeah, bit messy, but really a bit of light fun.

The Big Blue

Luc Besson's parents were diving instructors in the south of France and as such he grew up loving underwater life and photography. So when he made a film about two life long free-diver rivals, he pretty much knew what he was doing. With a strong question on our perception of life and death along with the idea that we cannot be great without a strong rival pushing us ever forward, this film should have shot right over my head at the age I watched it; the way it presented itself though was simply so watchable though that those ideas were planted in subconsciously. Entertaining film, the ending has stuck with me to this day.

Nikita

A homeless crack addict is caught up by the French secret service (of sorts), forced to be trained and become a deadly secret agent and is then put undercover in a perfect life. Eventually she is called to drop her perfect life (the one she'd imagined would be perfect when she was nothing but a homeless crack addict) to complete her mission. I think Luc Besson really found his niche of action, drama and comedy with Nikita. It's not an easy balance to get, but part of why I think he is amazing is that he does it so well. Ignore the fact that this film got turned into a lackluster American series call Le Femme Nikita, the original has no comparison.

PRIME BESSON

In which Besson shows his full potential

 

Leon: The Professional

Technically speaking the best movie Luc Besson has EVER made, even I can appreciate that (even though it's not the film that changed my life). If you haven't seen this film, you need to drop that sandwich you're eating right now and get it. I don't condone piracy, but well do whatever it takes to see this. Story centers around Matilda, 12, lives in one of the most dysfunctional families you'll see on film. Bitch sister, whorish mother, goblin drug dealing pops and sweetest little brother. Of course when the entire family is slaughtered by a crooked cop (the amazing Gary Oldman) who can she find shelter with? How about a child-like professional assassin as good as he is at his job as he is at drinking milk.

Flawless movie, just flawless. Besson weaves drama into balls-to-the-wall action into questions of morality into comedy into...

The Fifth Element

I covered this film yesterday, so you're welcome to check that out. To recap...fucking tops.

So I have a theory that Luc Besson had this one amazing story he'd been aching to tell since he was a child. That story was The Fifth Element and when he finished it as early in his life as he did, he probably didn't know how to top it. I sometimes fear that accomplishing the life goal you set for yourself invalidates your life from that point on. You've done what you've come to do...now what?

The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc

So Luc Besson decides to take on a historical story of epic proportions. Maybe because he was bankrupt on stories at the time having completed The Fifth Element, maybe he wanted to tell someone else's story, who knows. It's actually one of my beloved Besson films, while being destroyed by critics. I found it to be a compellingly ambiguous argument for and against the notion Joan of Arc was actually sent by God to save France; or was she a raging religious crackpot. Some standout performances from Dustin Hoffman and Vincent Cassel make this a film well worth watching.

Then suddenly Besson stopped directing films altogether. I remember during the time I was anticipating his next film and it never came. I kept holding on until 8 years later when...

LATE BESSON

In which Besson seems to retire from himself 

Angel-A

Almost no publicity surrounded the release of this French only film, but to me it was an event worthy of the rapture. Eight years had passed since my hero had directed and now this came out. I wasn't disappointed. The film centers on a lovable loser, Andre, a troll of a man and his underworld adventures in the French criminal circles. Now with 24 hours to deliver 200,000 Euros he owes to a dangerous man, Andre stumbles upon Angela. Saving her life, she pledges her life to help him recover the money. As the story progresses, Andre slowly, through Angela, gains the courage to be the hero he never thought he could be. But is Angela everything she appears to be...or more?

I loved this film, it was like a breath of fresh air and I proclaimed the return of my hero to his rightful spot as the best director in the world, but I didn't realize it was already too late. For some reason the clouds gathered and Besson decided to give up on himself. Either that or he simply got soft in his old age.

The Arthur Series

There are three films in the Arthur Series. It starts with Arthur and the Invisibles. It's actually too painful for me to talk about so I'll link you the Rotton Tomatoes overview and it'll speak volumes I cannot bring myself to utter. Arthur and the Invisibles ( <--- the link) was the first, Arthur and the Vengeance of Maltazard (another link) was the sequel and Arthur 3: War of Two Worlds doesn't look like it's going to do much better. At just under 50% fresh rating BETWEEN 3 films...why Besson chose to devote 5 years to this series is beyond all understanding.

The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec

I cannot pass judgement on this film until I see it, but from the little I know about it I'm too afraid to watch it. It seems the balance of drama, comedy, action and good concept that Besson seems to master during his prime has warped into an imbalance of camp comedy and no-risk action.

My biggest fear is that I start to resent Besson as a cautionary tale to myself about what happens when we accomplish our goals too quickly.

And so what is my point for this blog? Well tomorrow I'll elaborate on that cautionary tale, I'll lament on the passing of Besson as my role model and move forward with my own journey. Maybe someone will write about me like I have about Besson one day. I only hope I live up to their expectations. 

The Calm Before the Storm

The year, 1998, the year Google was born and the passing of Frank Sinatra. Our young lad having just had his mind blown by blue singing aliens, flying cars and a planet sized antagonist of pure evil stumbles out of the theater unsure of what he has just seen, but it will forever resonate with him.

Over time the lad came to know more about the circumstances surrounding the film and it's history. It made even more sense to him specifically. The director, a certain Mr Luc Besson, had written the space adventure story while in high school, something our lad had been doing up to that point as well (write an epic space adventure that is). The message behind the film, just as we need air, fire, water and earth to survive we also need love (the true fifth element), was so simple and yet could change the world.

Love was the fifth element.

The major life changing impact this film had on the lad was to guide his career of choice from aspiring novel writing to motion picture directing. This was the new goal, this was the new path chosen. The future sight landscape of his life cracked, morphed, transformed and came into clear focus. This single film bitch slapped his world into one fraught with hopes of Hollywood, the BBC or even French film production. He would become a director, write his space novel trilogy into a rip roaring space film trilogy and reach a perceived height his hero Luc Besson, whom he identified with so much to this point, had reached.

Once a legend, the Luc Besson.

To this day the lad still dreams of this, even taking major steps toward this goal. Hustled his way into a film school, graduated. Hustled his way into a film job, doing well. Now though the dream seems so much harder to obtain than it did to that 13 year old. Dreams are volatile that way though, so clear until you try to capture them...then tending to evaporate altogether. Unless you take steps to turn that dream into a reality through the use of goals you're doomed to the fate of Tantalus, forever thirsting and hungering for something unobtainable.

Eventually, you'll get that apple.

While these goals setting to capture the dream are fodder for another distant and hopeful blog (there is always hope), what comes next is the storm. As with all true and perfect stories, there needs to be a second act. One that takes this act and turns it on it's head.

That act is next.

Rabbit in the Headlights

Apathy is the slowest form of violence a person can inflict on themselves. Having something to care about, a purpose to follow through on, constantly bettering ourselves through reflection; without these things we are sure to hurt ourselves sooner or later. As is usually the case with slow forming problems, when you eventually realize you're neck high and sinking in shit you can find yourself either giving up or panicking. Apathy is what allows these problematic roots to weed their tentacles into the rawest corners of our lives and take hold.

So where does the violence come in. It's the realization, that split second when everything is alright to that next one when it's not. A punch in the face comes out of nowhere and heals quick; a slow cancer hides until discovered and then ruins more than just your day. The undoing, unraveling of all understanding doesn't slowly fade, it utterly devastates. The rabbit in the headlights isn't slowly put to sleep, it is brutally sent to the abyss. Anyone who thinks not caring will save them from hurt is either only kidding themselves or on a deeper level enjoys the pain, which is entirely plausible.

All hope is not lost. With slow forming problems and habits, there are always warning signs. If you find yourself recognizing them for what they are you're already on the first step to anti-apathy. Paying attention to these signs already shows a level of action most people kidding themselves have yet to take. The earlier you take the steps, the softer the blow will be. If you find yourself wondering about what decision to make, that's still effort.

The danger is deciding to do nothing, to watch the light at the end of the tunnel get closer not realizing that at the other end of that light is darkness.

Dodge This!

You see a situation, you've seen it a hundred times before, you may have even experienced it yourself; what are you supposed to do anyway? The human condition immediately defines things it sees and turns it into experiences. When drinking cold tea by mistake or accidentally touching a hot plate don't you find yourself stop at one point and think, "Oh this was like that one time I..." etc. Well that's the mind trying to filter the information into sections that you can comprehend and then experience in memoriam. If your mind can't filter it because it is a new experience, then nine times out of ten it will create a new section and that first experience will become your definition. Notice all the italics? They mean I'm emphasizing those words. Now you try it. :) Thanks for humoring me.

ANYway, so what? What's the big deal with defining experiences? Well. For one, we borrow a lot from people. You've probably noticed a friend telling you a story that their friend told them that happened to this one guy...well those stories become our truths. Don't give lifts to strangers cause you'll probably end up dead. Well, probably, but I've never experienced that truth for myself. So we're influenced more or less by other people. Bless them they don't mean to make your mind up for you...in fact if they do, all the better for your brain cause it might not have to make up it's own section.

I don't mean to come off snarky, I make the same mistakes and probably more so, it's human. Now I find myself at a point where I'm looking for a definition and suddenly as if by miracle...nothing. I don't know if my mind has run out of space for new categories, but there was no defining anything and you know what that did ironically? It blew out a new wing for new categories. Everything is new, all is as nothing.

Ok now the point of the blog. I think defining certain things in your life help you understand your situations and I think it's up to each one of us to decide how we look at things. Some views are automatic, some are obtained through practice, but most of us at some point in our life will come to a conclusion and when that happens we almost certainly know how it's going to end (at least we think we do). And when that happens we almost see things we didn't see as if by magic. Suddenly that friends laugh you laughed with so much is the most dreadful sound you ever heard, all examples don't worry friends...no one's getting ripped into here (promise). It's just like the flick of a switch because that's how the mind works, because by defining things around you, you make them so in a vicious cycle documented below.

We create our world without knowing it, so what if we knew it...what could we do then?

Understand, categorize, conclude, experience, repeat. More or less. :)

I'm teaching myself to experience everything for the unique context, tone, whatever adjective works, that experience is. My second cup of coffee one hung over morning or the order I put my shoes on any given day. No matter how mundane the act, we've done it a thousand times before or never, it's STILL different because it's happening today, now and that's never happened like that before...planned or otherwise. Prove me wrong.

With that thought I leave you this night, I will sleep like a baby now and never again...who could know for sure? :)

PS: I'm trying to think what pictures I can scatter through here to break it up. Let me know if my choices were sound, should be interesting.

Not Quite Sure What This Is

Got a bit inspired by the weekend. Experimenting with some gritty poetry Charlie Sheen style, hold onto your hats folks and get ready to click your fingers to the groovy beat of the soul. (So dry)

Cool daddio.

Journey
-

And so it came to pass, time continued on. There was no stopping it; there was no holding it. You cannot keep something you cannot see yet we capture it still in our hearts and pray it does not taint. Time, the immovable force of change; the bane of quiescence violently uprooting memories and planting hope, false or otherwise, that tomorrow may be better, brighter and here sooner than the hurt we escape today.

Then through rapid succession of fate, faith and fragile abandon, we find ourselves outside of the hole we dug and somewhere unfamiliar. Hopelessly lost in our naive expeditions we move forward and challenge our dreams with reality. And so with great fortitude we do not falter, we do not surrender; tomorrow we say will be better, brighter and sooner. We escape the hurt.

Just as good memories can become as taint, so too can hurt become as growth. The scars teach us, the pain guides us and we find our way; in time.

Sometimes I can't believe it; I'm moving past the feeling.

-

That's it. I don't know what constitutes good or bad poetry, but by jove this was jolly sincere, so sue me.

OH and credit for the last line goes to Arcade Fire's The Suburbs, it's more or less the tl:dr of the entire thing and they might take the whole sue me thing literally..

Thanks for reading.