Nothing Eternal Without Commitment

So I recently had the opportunity to re-watch a film that really impressed upon me when I first watched it. At the time (around 2006) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind stuck with me because of it's visual representation of a love story between two very different personality types. I enjoyed it for being different, but I don't think I really understood the depth of it's message and it's commentary on real life relationships at the time. I can tell you now, with a little more experience under my belt that I'm of the opinion it's probably the most realistic representation of a romantic relationship I've ever experienced (surreal setting and all). It pulls no punches when it shows the ugly side of long-term relationship problems and how they come about. I'll be talking about the film in depth quite a bit, so I suggest if you've not seen it...you do and if you have read on.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

...by all means watch the film if you haven't.

Expect beauty in surreal situations.

The story follows the emotional introvert Joel (Jim Carrey) and the creatively charged Clementine (Kate Winslet) dealing with their harsh breakup after a longterm relationship. Clementine, described in her own words as impulsive, decides to deal with it by undergoing a new process which selectively erases memories. She erases Joel completely from her mind. Upon discovering she has done this, Joel decides to deal with it in the same way. Much of the film takes place in Joel's memories of Clementine as they are slowly being erased from his mind as he sleeps.

This leads to many dreamlike imagery. 

The real eye-opener for me after the recent viewing was how his memories are erased in the order of most recent to the earliest possible memory of Clementine and what that exposes about couples. See at first, we only see the shit that Joel and Clementine put each other through. They fight constantly, are irritable with each other and bored to death in each other's company. Meanwhile, the audience is thinking, isn't this a love story? Yes, it is...it's just a very honest one. Later on in the lifespan of relationships, two people who love each other might be be prone to risk of love auto-pilot because of how secure they are in the relationship. We do this with our family and friends too. It's that way with ALL relationships, we get comfortable. It takes a lot at this point to always be on form, because we don't even stop to think we're in a rut.

Anyway, getting back to why I bring this up. As we begin to move backwards into Joel and Clementine's relationship, we witness their memories getting more and more tender because they were very much in love. Joel soon discovers that he doesn't want to forget these better memories and wants to stop the process. Now he realizes he doesn't want to forget Clementine, even if their relationship became unbearable. So he begins to attempt to hide her in his memories. What follows is the discovery that a love once shared will always remain secure in our memories.

When we go through hard times we immediately do stupid shit to forget our memories. We take up smoking (then immediately quit *winking smiley face?*), we go to places we shouldn't to distract us from our current location in life, we go through random hookups to bury the bad memories with shallow new ones; whatever we do to forget, we don't realize that the bad memories may not ever go away, but in time we will rediscover the good memories too. Then we will be happy we never forgot them because they will become a source of strength and not of hurt.

It took this film to give me another piece of the puzzle of evolving. Slowly the picture is becoming clearer and clearer; all part of the progress and improvement that we all go through growing up. For some of us it's automatic, for people like me...we have to think, rationalize and understand every intricate process that happens within us before we're at peace. Sometimes I think the automatic would be easier to drive.

In the end of the film (after a lot of confusion), Joel asks Clementine to try again. Clementine explains they should never get back together because they'll just fall into the same patterns, but Joel looks her straight in the face and says, "Ok" which makes Clementine happy. The fact they are aware and at peace with that happening means that they are free to create more amazing memories together and perhaps, when the love auto-pilot sets in, deal with it together. That commitment is at least one facet of true love, one I'm excited to find.